Some time ago a person asked me, "Which I'd liked best, being married or being single?" Stunned by the question and a bit caught off guard, I answered, "I'd much rather be married than single because I love being in a relationship."
Well, needless to say, 2 weeks later I'm still pondering the curious dialogue between myself and someone who's been married nearly 20 years. The person mentioned how married people make comments of how they contemplate being single and of how single people are dying to be married. Convinced society may be somewhat pyschitzophrenic in their desires, I wondered what do people really want and what should we be doing until we actually get it? The answer bubbled up, "CELEBRATE YOUR S.E.L.F!" (no matter what the situation).
I've realized in my infantile amount of knowledge and wisdom that, for myself, I've not always been sure of what I "truly wanted" because I was still discovering (or in search of) my true SELF. When a person doesn't know WHO they truly are, it's almost impossible for them to know what they TRULY want. Your SELF can only be defined by who you are in God/Jesus.
My "SELF" has been created from the values, morals, beliefs and code (the Word) which were placed within me before I was born. These things created my persona which I carry around with me each day. Over time and through situations, I admit I've probably compromised on some of these and have resulted in me developing a scued since of SELF. Once I brought my SELF back into alignment with the code, only then was I able to regain my sense of SELF and redefine the other things (morals, values, etc). After the realignment happened I was then able to determine my true DESIRES.
1) Never lose a sense of SELF. Don't let someone rob or take hostage of my identity.
2) Never compromise my values, morals, beliefs, or code for another person.
3) Share my SELF with those around me (friends, family, co-workers, etc.). Give my "SELF" to others daily.
4) Always be in a relationship with my SELF (whether single or married).
5) Be happy with, forgive, and fortify my "SELF".
I also discovered something else while meditating on this idea of a single, married, or relational "State of SELF." It was the question of, "What should I be doing while I'm single?" Being transported to this new state of singleness for almost 2 years now has brought me in contact with quite a few other beautiful, talented, wonderful, awesome SINGLE SELFs which may benefit from my journey. Keys that I think would help us in our SINGLE STATE OF BEING are:
Seek spiritual well being.
Know who you are by defining your SELF in God. You are His creation and exist because of Him. (It is in Him that we live, we move, and have our being).
Experience abundant living now.
Don't wait until you have a mate to celebrate your SELF and your life. You are accountable for each day of your life. Live it to the fullest within the healthy boundaries God has created for our benefit and protection (not our bondage). You can be saved and have fun too. Wisdom is the key.
Live without limits.
Don't say to yourself you can't do this or that until you have that other person. If you want to buy a house now (while you're single) do it. Take a trip to the place you've always wanted to visit, do it-NOW! Grab some girlfriends or guy friends and go! Enjoy life and not wait for fate or that mate. If you want to start that business, do it!
Forgive your SELF and others.
Tell your SELF you're sorry for not getting to know who you really are (and what you really want). Tell your SELF you're sorry for being so hard on your SELF when you didn't reach your goals or allow yourself to try again. This applies to everything, whether it be love, a goal, a hope, or a dream. You can never go forward successfully holding on to past hurts, pains, and perceived failures. I always say, "I haven't failed unless I quit." I refuse to fail or lose, I'm a Christian and I always win! (All things work out for my good...)
In closing, once you take the journey you'll thank your SELF for embracing and getting to know your SELF because you'll be ready for that mate if he/she finds you. You'll also have an abundance to bring to the relationship. In contrast, if your destiny is to be single forever, don't worry! God will give you grace to do it and you'll still be in a loving, fulfilling relationship, even if it is only with YOUR "SELF." So be happy! You are the one ultimately responsible for the quality of your state of SELF.