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Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Pots, Pans, and Pants-Who's Wearing & Doing What? (click to post comments)

"The Traditional Roles of Men & Women in Relationships".

After the honeymoon is over, the reception is complete, the cake has been eaten, there is a question that lingers, "Whose job is it to wash the darn dishes?"
I found an opinion of a blogger on this subject and have highlighted points throughout my blog.
The writer stated: "Times have changed. The opportunities available to women have changed. Even if the women's job is not more substantial than yours, you should still be negotiating a "fair" arrangement so that one person is not completely overwhelmed while the other person is reading the newspaper sipping on tea."

Riva says, "Amen, brother! Why should I go out, make the bacon, go to the grocery store and buy it, bring it home and fry it, AND then serve it too? And, on top of that, be expected to provide a scrumptous "desert" to follow later that evening? Guess what? I'll probably be too dag'on tired to provide such a tasty desert later, if you know what I mean!!!!!"

I think a real relationship takes a TEAM effort and there is no "I" in team. The best team has players who pick up the ball when and where the other player may be weak, tired, or injured, right?

The other writer also stated, "What I am saying is, don't expect every women you meet to automatically fulfill those traditional roles. It's a negotiation. I do believe that women tend to be better at certain things than men. I don't think most women would want to take care of the lawn or clean the gutters, or change a tire, or check the anti-freeze levels.

Riva says, "I don't know how to change a tire and unfortunately don't know where to put the anti-freeze, so in some aspects the brother's are MUCH stronger where strength is needed. Can you expect me to nurture and provide wise advice? Yes. Can you expect me to cook a good meal sometimes, bake you a cake or brownies AND clean the kitchen (dishes, only if I haven't worked that day)? Yes! I can do all those things, especially if I have the ENERGY! However, I think it's unfair for a man to expect a woman to fulfill a role or do things that may not be inherent or part of her design or makeup, like such things as doing an oil change. We're (women) lucky to have paid attention to know when we're supposed to have one done! lol

Later the writer stated, "So put all the cards on the table in the beginning of the relationship and divvy them up in a way that you are the most effective couple you can be. Renegotiations may be necessary as your situation changes. So if you're the better cook, don't torture yourself and the kids with her cooking, put the apron on and whip something up. In exchange, your wife better learn how to start the lawnmower. In the end, negotiate a fair deal for both sides or no one will be happy in the longrun."

Riva says, "I agree that relationships involve planning and negotiations that aren't always "sexy". The business aspects of relationships aren't always "sexy" or glamorous but they ARE necessary and need to be addressed EARLY! When you do that, you minimize potential and sometimes unnecessary conflicts because you were too busy running around with the "rose-colored glasses on."

In closing, Lovin' ain't easy but Livin' is necessary! So, all of you who are involved in relationships and marriages, take a moment to re-evaluate your roles, expectations, and goals of one another. Fine-tune areas that may need tweaking and build on the good foundations that you have already layed.
Be blessed in your unions because real Agape takes very real work!

Please post a comment and share your opinions.


  1. In any relationship there has to be communication. The couple should discuss what will work best for them. Times have changed since our grandmother's era. Women are proving that we can take care of home/family/children/career. Now is it her responsiblity to be the primary caregiver? No! Reason being, couple means "2", therefore the duties must be shared. Yes, I can cook, very well I must say. However, there are times when I'm not feeling the comfort of the kitchen. If my man isn't a good cook, it's called "take your woman out to dinner". There's nothing more sexier than having your man tell you, "don't cook tonight I'm taking you to dinner". So kitchen duty isn't my job, it's a shared, respected, responsiblity. It's not my job to raise a grown man, that was his parent's tour of duty. However, I must end this by saying, many women see the "faulty" traits of a slacker man before marriage. Thinking, things will change once they marry. Wrong, if those traits aren't discussed and tweaked before marriage, they only get worse. He now has the amo to say, "you knew this before I married you". So in order to have a successful realtionship/marriage, talk, take notes, discuss what you like and don't like, areas in need of improvement. There's nothing worst than marrying someone who's still in neutral, while you've shifted gears and driving. The couple has to be on "one accord", "same page". If not, it's called break up/divorce, disaster.


  2. Oh how times have changed. Seriously the roles are so confused right now it's hard to say who will do what, when and where. The truth is today if you have a real desire to make the the relationship work from the begining it needs to be established that all household responsibilitites will be shared.
    Communication and understanding is they only way to really make it work! Oh, the honeymoon's over.